The fire is slowly dying...

Christmas is over now, and it was all very lovely. Right now, I am facing the lull between Christmas and the new year where the boiling excitement is over, making way for relaxed afternoons spent drinking endless amounts of herbal tea, listening to the radio and watching exceedingly long, old films. Nights are spent on dancefloors and slipping around on icey pavements followed by taxi gossip; either that, or with cups of mulled wine on the sofa...

The snow starting falling

We were stuck out in your car (listening to Bon Iver is compulsory when there's snow on the ground.)

It is absolutely freezing, there has been snow on the ground for days. I've been obsessing over layers and layers of knits, pale grey eye-shadow and dark red lips. Although the snow is pain, I rather enjoy wearing my favourite winter coat and cautiously entering the kitchen of a morning to see a bright white garden and full pot of hot tea.After the rather heavy last blog post, I had always intended to do a follow-up post with lots of pretty pictures. But, I was busy working at the BBC by day and sick of looking at computer screens by night, so my evenings were mostly spent lounging in my underwear and watching tv before going to bed very early. I had my best few weeks since graduating, working long days is actually alright.

That far off feeling,

That far off kind of ache. (Monsters of Folk.)

The clocks went back over the weekend, and my body has yet to get used to it. Locking up the shop in early evening darkness and tripping to my car in the still, relatively, mild weather fills me with anticipation as the long night approaches. Cold weather always seems to warm hearts, and the drinks of the season.. I realise that there is never a bad time for red wine; there is summer time wine' held carelessly on airless evenings; opposed to the bottle shared between two on a chilly evening with bundles of clothing and the anticipation of getting warm.

Do You Really Know That I Can't,

that I can't afford you. (Zola Jesus, she's awesome.)


We are now amidst the depths of Autumn, and I can tell because the days are colder and the nights are longer. Over the past week, I have been bundled up in layers of knitwear as the tiny art shop where I work is housed inside a very old building, which is freezing. I have brought my (fake) fur coat out of storage and have been stocking up on thermal tights.

This time of year stirs nostalgia; it's the smokey smells and drinking lots of locally brewed cider and glasses of red wine to fend off the cold on chilly nights; and going for walks for the soul purpose of getting rosy cheeks. The night air may be piercingly cold, but it doesn't stop us from wrapping up and getting cosy in pubs.

I am taking inspiration from 'toast' catalogues, a continuing theme from last Autumn. This requires red lips, dark eye-shadow and hearty knitwear. I can only assume wholesome appearances of these women are contradicted by filthy underwear (not in a literal sense.) Very few would ever guess such a thing.

All the pictures are from Toast.

Things go together better than others.

Like manic depression and hyper sexuality.


Some big news took place this week. The club I have been attending since the baby like age of eighteen, is closing down.
To the naked eye, a run-down hovel. To the seasoned youths of Luton, a glittering path to vodka shots, lots and lots of beer and cider; where there's music and dancing til the early hours, seedy happenings and many memories which are best left in the unearthed file entitled 'what happens in the edge, stays in the edge.'


It can be summed up with empty bottles, swelling hearts, lightweight feet and troubled minds. For most, it is the scene of many crazy choices, inane and pretentious ramblings and the most fun in the whole world. A place for reckless and youthful behaviour only, I will be visiting for the last time tonight and I will be toasting to very good friends and memories and to being twenty one. Not Eighteen.

Beauty comes to those who have been waiting..

For something bigger than themselves...



I graduated last week; and that night I got drunk and stayed up until the early hours writing a nice blog post, which I subsequently lost in a drunken state of delirium.

The day of graduation was very pleasant. Although sitting down with my housemates once everything had settled was probably the nicest thing. I had awoken very early that morning in order to iron my clothes and take my shoes to be re-heeled by a nice cobbler. Everyone's parents arrived and there was a lot of photo taking and queuing. I ruined most of the photographs because I was suffering from a cold and so had a red nose and blurry eyes in 94% of the shots.


That night me and my friends did not attend the spectacle of the grad ball, opting instead to drink beer and smoke cigarettes with the only company any of us cared for. The feeling of the eve was that of celebration, however it was tinged with the sadness of leaving and the inevitable future struggle of the unknown.


The way I think about my future can be summed up like this:

"to live life in a way that if a photograph were taken at random, it would be a cool photograph."

(taken from a book I'm reading, which I relate to all too well, called 'One Day' by David Nicholls.)

I spoke to a handful of people who were content with their proposed image of the near future; a marital-like home with their long-term boyfriends, an OK 9-5 and a nice sit down in the evenings. A middle of the road existance is fine for the people who lack the energy to strive or creative intellegence to escape.
What I appriciated more was the honesty of my fellow graduates who admitted they didn't know what they wanted, all they knew is that they wanted to escape and refused to settle. I like that, aspirations for a totally 'cool' and exciting existence throughout their 20s if nothing else.

They'd Say That's OK...

As long as we can celebrate.


"If you are smitten with obsession then you will survive and the world will be larger for it… If not, you might simply make a living or simply go broke." Larry Fink. (these photos are his)






Graduation's comming up, so there will be lots to celebrate, but once it's over some people are going to settle for average. I'm not.
Are you?